If my father were to die...
Aug. 7th, 2004 06:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amezriI'm pretty sure I would feel NOTHING. Nothing except joy and amusement. That's horribly mean and ill-spirited of me, but I don't care.
He gets immense pleasure out of irritating people to the point where they cry or start yelling. Always been that way. Last night when he got home, the first thing he decides to talk to me about is how I don't have a job right now and am I looking. Have I gotten any interviews? What am I going to do? I have no money. Do I want money. I once again told him to mind his own business and that I didn't want anything from him. Why did he care anyway? Not like he ever did before. He turned it back around onme and asked why I was always so short tempered with him. Gee, let's think about that a second...
He hurt his back doing gods know what today and is now complaining like a small child. Worse, actually. This isn't the first time he's hurt his back - it's quite a regular occurance and he has all the pain medication and back braces to help. He still complains like crazy, of course. My mom was on the phone and my father starts calling for her, really loudly. I tell him that she's on the phone and he makes some muffled comment about dying. Uh. Okay... so I just shut the door. My mom gets off the phone and goes to ask him what he wanted and he says he didn't want anything and that he hadn't called her. Wow, are you 12? at this point he'd been up and around and stuff - he's not bedridden or anything.
Right now, he's laying on the couch watching TV. I'm sure very shortly he will complain that his back is killing him and that we never help him. Hey, here's a clue: you hurt you back. Stop laying on the couch.
I know I should be more patient and understanding, but I really can't. I won't. I'm sick of his behavior towards everyone in this family. If he were a more moral person or a better rolemodel, maybe I could forgive it. If there was any way I could look at the things he's done in the past and believe he did any of them because he was concerned and trying to be a parent and not because he's a selfish, self-centered, ceating, lying, bigoted, racist, pitiful excuse for a human being, maybe I could forgive it.
He's not. So I can't. And I won't.
He gets immense pleasure out of irritating people to the point where they cry or start yelling. Always been that way. Last night when he got home, the first thing he decides to talk to me about is how I don't have a job right now and am I looking. Have I gotten any interviews? What am I going to do? I have no money. Do I want money. I once again told him to mind his own business and that I didn't want anything from him. Why did he care anyway? Not like he ever did before. He turned it back around onme and asked why I was always so short tempered with him. Gee, let's think about that a second...
He hurt his back doing gods know what today and is now complaining like a small child. Worse, actually. This isn't the first time he's hurt his back - it's quite a regular occurance and he has all the pain medication and back braces to help. He still complains like crazy, of course. My mom was on the phone and my father starts calling for her, really loudly. I tell him that she's on the phone and he makes some muffled comment about dying. Uh. Okay... so I just shut the door. My mom gets off the phone and goes to ask him what he wanted and he says he didn't want anything and that he hadn't called her. Wow, are you 12? at this point he'd been up and around and stuff - he's not bedridden or anything.
Right now, he's laying on the couch watching TV. I'm sure very shortly he will complain that his back is killing him and that we never help him. Hey, here's a clue: you hurt you back. Stop laying on the couch.
I know I should be more patient and understanding, but I really can't. I won't. I'm sick of his behavior towards everyone in this family. If he were a more moral person or a better rolemodel, maybe I could forgive it. If there was any way I could look at the things he's done in the past and believe he did any of them because he was concerned and trying to be a parent and not because he's a selfish, self-centered, ceating, lying, bigoted, racist, pitiful excuse for a human being, maybe I could forgive it.
He's not. So I can't. And I won't.
