to do; voltaire mp3s & lyrics

[amezri]

To Do List: in a sort of order...

[_] breakfast
[_] unpack from I-CON (shut up...)
[_] Jengrrl's layout
[_] lemonwolf's layout
[_] Krissy's layout
[_] Voltaire recc for t.org
[_] VC recc for t.org
[_] RP post(s)
[_] burn VCDs
[_] transfer I-CON pics from CF
[_] I-CON write-up
[_] watch burned VCDs

Music for you!

This week, since I'm still on my Voltaire high, I've got some tracks for you. One monologue and four songs. Enjoy! And remember, no hotlinking. They'll be up for a week or so.

Voltaire:
+ Boffers on the Lawn
+ El Barquito (Sin Mosquito) De Nuez (Spanish)
+ God Thinks
+ Ringo No Uta (Japanese)
+ Science Fiction Double Feature (live acoustic cover)

"El Barquito (Sin Mosquito) De Nuez" - lyrics by Francisco Gabilondo
Un barquito de cáscara de nuez
Adornado con velas de papel
Subiendo y bajando las olas
El barquito ya se fue
Navegar sin temor
En el mar es lo mejor
No hay razon por ponerse a temblar
Y si viene negra tempestad
Reir y remar y cantar
Navegar sin temor
En el mar es lo mejor
Y si el cielo no esta muy azul
El barquito va contento
Por los mares lejanos del sur


"God Thinks"
God thinks all blacks are obsolete farm equipment
God thinks the Jews killed his son and must be punished
God thinks the white man is Satan
God, they know what God thinks
God thinks we should all convert to Judaism
God thinks we must all be Christians and
God thinks we should all embrace Islam
God thinks the only true religion is Hinduism
And I, I know what God thinks,
God thinks you're a waste of flesh
God prefers an atheist, God! God!

[Chorus:]
God thinks all people like you are hateful
God thinks all people like you are
An embarassment to creation
Self-righteous, judgmental,
First to throw the stone
And you're using His name
For your own protection (agenda)

God thinks the sun revolves around the Earth
God thinks there was something very
Wrong with Copernicus
God thinks abortion is murder and
God thinks everything that science gave us is wrong
God thinks women deserve it
God thinks AIDS is a form of punishment
I hate people who blame the Devil for
Their own shortcomings and
I hate people who thank God when things go right
And I, I know what God thinks,
God thinks you're an idiot
God prefers a heretic, God! God!

[Chorus]

God is a Liberal, God is a Democrat
God wants you to vote Republican
Never trust a man who puts his words
In the mouth of God and says it's absolute truth
It's lies and it smells like death and it's all
In a day's work taking money from the poor
Why do you think that God would need your
Dirty money if He wants to start a Holy War
Self-righteous, judgmental, first to throw the stone
And you're using his name for your own protection

God thinks puppies need to die and
God thinks babies need to drown 'cause
God is neither good nor bad
God is you and me
God is everything


"Ringo no Uta" - lyrics by Manjome Tadashi
Akai ringo ni
Kuchi biru yosette
Dama a te mi te iru
Aoi sora
Ringo wa nani mo
Iwanai keredo
Ringo no kimochi wa
Yoku wakaru
Ringo kawai ya
Kawai ya ringo
Ringo kawai ya
Kawai ya ringo


Boffers on the Lawn I-CON Monologue (excuse the bad typing and grammar; that's all me)

I was going to prepare some kind of monologue, but then I decided I would just make shit up, just like on Star Trek. We'll set up a neutreno field in my pants! So, you know, I love my boffers on the lawn. The rest of you in here are like, [whispers] "boffer? the fuck is he talking about?" You know, every year when I come to I-CON there's always a bunch of guys dressed like knights beating the piss out of each other on the front lawn.

[That was us!] That was you? [That was us, yeah.] You guys are so gay.

And I always used to like, go and sit and watch and I had a very, very traumatic experience at Genericon in Troy, NY a little while ago. I was over there and I was just really bored out of my mind and I see a bunch of people whacking at each other with, you know, foam-padded PVC tubes. I'm like, "oh this is kinda cool," so I'm watching and this young lady walks up to me and she says, "Excuse me, we could use your help." And I said, "How could you use my help?" and she said, "We're looking for someone to play a..." I wanna say Paladin Death Knight, does that make any sense to anybody? Peregrin falcon... sword.. I dunno, so anyway. So I said, what does that entail? And she says, "All you have to do is stand up at the top of these stairs between these two buildings with this big stick and if anyone tries to get by you, whack 'em." And I'm like, I like this job!

So I'm like, okay, I'm gonna do it. So I stand up at the top and I'm like, do I have to know anything about roleplaying? She's like, "No, just stand up here; if anyone tries to get passed you, whack 'em. Oh and also, by the way, your sword has 4 point damage everytime you strike somebody. If somebody strikes you, you have 3 point damage, except if they strike you below the belt, you have 2 point damage and also keep in mind that--"

Whoa, what do I look like, Einstein? And I'm thinking to myself, all right, these nerds with the Coke-bottle glasses are gonna come up and I'm just gonna whack 'em and that's gonna be the end of it. So I'm standing up there waiting, you know [whistles]. I turn around and there's 18 people in front of me. Like I'm expecting to see, like, one Bernie Weinstein looking dude, [nerdy voice] "I would like to pass!" - I see 18 people, and I'm like, "Uh... You may not pass!" And they kind of look at each other and they're like, "please, may we pass?" I said, "You will not pass." This one young lady in chainmail steps forward and she says, "I am of the Order of the Paladin. We have met before. Will you allow me to pass?" I'm like, oh fuck... "You will not pass!"

And all of a sudden, one of these clowns decides, well, I'm just gonna walk by him. So he starts walking by me and I just whack him as hard as I can with the stick and he falls to the ground pretending, I think, to be dead. And the same girl who was so friendly to me a moment ago, looks at her friends and she says "he just struck down one of our fellowship! What're we gonna do?" And someone yells this magical word which I'd never heard before, "lay on."

I'm standing there like this and all of a sudden 18 people with sticks start beating me about the legs, torso, arms, hands, face, and head. That's not the worst part. The worst part is they're doing math while they're doing it. "4 damage! 4 damage! 6 damage! 4 damage! 4 damage! 6 damage! 8 damage! 4 damage! 4 damage! 6 damage! Disarm! Disarm! Disarm!" All right. They.. beat the shit out of me. They really, really did. And it hurt me.

And all of a sudden, the game master comes running over and she says, "Hold!" Everybody stops and I'm like, [stumbles around stage] still going, you know. She pulls me aside and she goes, "How much damage have you sustained?" Lots. I don't know. My head hurts. My ear is throbbing. And she goes, "no, I mean how many points of damage have you sustained?" I said, I don't know. And she's like, "Aren't you keeping track?" I'm like, there's 18 people here with sticks! I count on my fingers! And she's like, "well, how many points of damage have you incurred on each one of these people," and I was like, whoa, you seriously think I'm, like, counting?? Like in multiples of four? Eighteen different people? I was like, I don't know and she goes, "all right, well, it's like this, I don't think that this was a hard enough challenge for them so, I'll tell you what, I'm gonna give you another 40 points of damage. Lay on!" And I'm like, whoa!!

They beat me to the ground. Never, in all my days, have I ever imagined that nerds could bring down such a brutalbeating. To this day, I go to my accountant and I'm like, "yes sir! Whatever you say, sir! Don't hit me!" So I have a feeling that next year I will have a song called "Boffers on the Lawn" or something like that.

Right-o. Enjoy! I'm off to get to work on that list.

Comments

[ozw.livejournal.com]

Voltaire is way better live. I don't really like his recorded stuff.

[amezri.livejournal.com]

Agreed. And I have said so in my review.

Voltaire

[julietlaw.livejournal.com]

God Thinks was written for me (and for you, I can safely assume.) ;)

You guys will never stop astonishing me -- all those artists I've never heard about. Am blown away.

Re: Voltaire

[amezri.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you like it!

beware the boffers

[julietlaw.livejournal.com]

Also, the "boffers on the lawn" monologue is one of the greatest shit I've ever heard in my life. He's a really good storyteller. *wipes tears out of eyes*

Re: beware the boffers

[amezri.livejournal.com]

I have yet to get sick of hearing that story ^_^

[fyrdrakken]

Whee! Thanks for the MP3s! I didn't have "Boffers on the Lawn" or "Science Fiction Double Feature."

[amezri.livejournal.com]

You're welcome! :)