Dear Future Boyfriend
Jul. 25th, 2004 07:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amezriI've been wanting to write this for a while because I have issues and maybe it would help to write it down. In the form of a letter. To a boyfriend that I don't have.. and likely won't. Everybody: Awwwwwwww.
So. Yeah.
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Dear Future Boyfriend,
I'm sorry. You should probably runaway now. Far, far away. You see, I clearly have issues. Well, maybe not very clearly, as you're going to be my boyfriend and you didn't see them. Anyway.
I ramble. I have foot-in-mouth disease. If I think it, 95% of the time I will say it. Because my brain and mouth don't play well together, it's usually something stupid or mistakenly inflammatory. Or I stutter because my mouth can't keep up with my brain. When I get worked up, I have a really bad stutter and half the words don't make it out of my mouth. It's sad.
Political and social thoughts I need to get out of the way: I hate Bush & Co. The war in Iraq is wrong. The Patriot Act is wrong. Fox News needs to die. I don't hate Republicans, I just hate their current ringleaders. Did I mention that the war in Iraq is wrong? Please do not use the word "fag" or "gay" as an insult. Do not use the word "fag" unless you are British and are referring to a cig. If you hate homosexuals, keep your homophobic slander to yourself because I will snarl at you. Christians scare me. Actually, let me stop using generalizations - crazy, convert-hungry, psycho-Christians scare me. The others are okay by me as long as they don't tell me I'm going to hell because I'm not baptized or whatever. No, I don't believe in one god. I might believe in many and I might believe in none. Oh yeah, Bill O'Reilly is an asshat. I eat meat. Dead animals = yummy. Like Dennis Leary said, meat tastes like murder and murder tastes good.
Right. Moving on.
I'm a neat freak... except there's constantly stuff thrown about my room. But in neat piles. Shut up. Okay, it's not so much neatness as sanitation. I'm not talking normal sanitation. oh no. I'm compulsively clean. I wash my hands every ten minutes. And I expect you to also. Because eww.. dirty hands. If there's raw meat on the counter and you touch it? For the love of GOD do not touch anything else until you wash your hands. Don't even think about laying the knife you were using to cut said meat on the counter. Put it on the cutting board or wash it immediately. Raw meat and raw veggies don't mix, even if you are going to cook the veggies anyway. Keep them separate! OMG. Stuff like that. It sounds like a normal concern, but I really get all freaked out over it.
I don't like driving. Well, maybe a little bit. I actually really dislike driving to places I have never been before. My sense of direction is horrible so I'm always all stressed out that I'll get lost. Oh yeah, don't ask me for directions because I can not give them. I'd always prefer if someone else drove. The weird thing about me driving is that I don't really like feeling responsible for the people who are in my car. Like, if I crash and die, whoopie. Well, not really, but I mean, it would just be me, but if I cause the death of other people, I'd feel really bad about it. I'm quite capable of taking myself to the store and to run errands and such, but, you know, you should drive when we go out. It would make me feel much better. (7/26/04) I actually do really enjoy driving, I'm just shit with directions. So, if we're in a place I'm familiar with, I've no problem playing chauffeur or DD. If you know the directions and it's a low stress driving environment, I'm cool. I will, however, not be driving in a major metropolis, no matter how good the directions or GPS. (6/13/07)
I have emotional issues. Har har, yes, I know, I'm a girl. What I mean is, I don't know how to deal with certain emotions. Anger and some happiness I understand. More complicated things like affection, liking another person, and love? No clue. And since I have no clue, it makes me squirm and the flight response generally takes over. That goes along with how uncomfortable I get when I'm complimented. I am a self-admitted attention whore - I like when people notice things I do. Work, art, projects - things that stand apart from me. As soon as someone starts complimenting my person, especially how I look, I don't know what to say. I'm not used to that sort of attention. Also, I think I'm average looking. Some days I think I'm sub-average looking. Sometimes I'll say I want to be alone. I'll mean it when I say it. Even if I don't, I can't blame you for believing me - guys shouldn't be expected to read our minds. It would be nice, but it's not going to happen. I get that, I do. If I ever act all "you should be able to read my mind!", I'm sorry.
Have I mentioned that I have a vicious temper? I can be the sweetest person you'll ever know or I can be the world's biggest bitch. Can't really blame it on PMS, though I do get pretty damn pissy and cranky around that time. Anyway, yes, I get very, very angry. Like, throwing things and hitting things. Wouldn't know it from looking at me, especially since I try not to do those things. I don't really like being that prone to anger, but I sort of grew up that way. In that line of thought - I hold grudges like a motherfucker. (And I can swear like a sailor.) Do not piss me off because I have that girly ability to remember every horrible thing you did - or I think you did - and spew it back at you later.
I can, however, admit when I am wrong. It's easy enough for me to admit that I made a bad choice or that I had the wrong idea about something or other. Don't be afraid to call me on it, but don't embarrass or belittle me.
When I'm angry, I tend to scream. A lot. I've found that this is a pretty good way to release all that angry so I don't actually have to go and hit someone or something. Don't worry, I usually do all the angry shouting in the privacy in my room or when I'm alone in my car. It's sort of like I have temporary turrets - perfectly calm, but raging inside, so suddenly I'll just scream or shout some obscenity. Feel free to ignore me. (7/28/04)
I have attachment issues. I would love to be the kind of person who likes to have you around and looks forward to seeing you and wants to spend every second with you. But I'm not. In fact, I get bored rather quickly; annoyed just as fast. But those are all excuses because I have a fear of being committed to another human being. I don't like feeling attached to someone. Well, I do, except when I actually am. Then I feel trapped. Okay, not that I would know since I, you know, haven't been, but I imagine I would convince myself that I'm feeling trapped. I have discovered, through the wonders of psychiatry, that relationships just freak me the fuck out so I am just thinking of ways to sabotage myself. It'll take someone with way more patience than is probably humanly possible to deal with me.
Of course, at the same time, I secretly want to be wined and dined and romanced and all those sappy things. I just won't say that - ever - or ask for them because I don't really know how to and I try to pretend I don't want or need those things. Uhm.
If you want something from me or want me to do something, you'd better just tell me. I'm not a mind reader either. I spent most of my formative years hanging out with boys and playing in the muck, catching fish and newts. I never picked up a lot of those girly skills.
Oh my god, manners. Please have some. Or a lot. Table manners. Common manners. MANNERS.
Touchy-feely is not something I've always been. Hated hugs, handshakes, and all that stuff. Somehow got that way during college - I guess my roommates sort of broke through that personal space bubble and it turns out a hug and stuff sometimes isn't going to kill me. Now I do a lot of the hand on arm when talking with friends and I don't mind friendly hugs as much as I did. I still really dislike crowds - they freak me out and I get all antsy and aggro. Strangers bumping into me make my skin crawl something fierce. However, it's not so bad if I'm holding the hand of someone I'm with. Meh. So, if we are in a crowded place, you had better be holding my hand or something because I will start to flip out, especially if there are other people brushing up against me and otherwise invading my personal space.
On to things I have never done. I've never smoked, drank, done drugs. I've never been kissed. Yes, I'm over 25. No, really, never. That also means that I haven't done any of those things that come after kissing. Yeah. I know. Surely this contributes to how uncomfortable I am with the idea of dating and being in a relationship. I'm not exactly sure I've been on a date. There was possibly that one time, which was nice, but my follow up was completely horrible and it was completely my fault.
I hate my father. Don't even try to talk sense into me about that. He's an ass hat. He's never done anything to help me unless it made him look good and he treats strangers better than he treats his own family. Now, just because I hate my father doesn't mean I have some sort of huge male hate-on - I don't. Most of my friends are guys. Well, used to be. Anyway. All this crap with my father has made me very intolerant of certain behaviors in people, whether they are male or female. I cannot stand liars, people who cheat on their partners, people who are two faced. Believe me, I can tell when I see - have had lots of practice, after all. If you embarrass me, try to belittle me in public, or otherwise beat me down, you will be dropped faster than.. a thing that needs to be dropped quickly. I love my mother, though, and if anyone badmouths her, I will fuck them up. (7/26/04)
I will not cheat on someone. I will not be the "other woman," because that is fucked up beyond all belief and people who do that disgust me. I'm sorry, it's true. If my friend were to do something like that, I'm not going to disown them or anything. Most likely I'll just tell them how wrong they were and batter them into confessing. But if I'm in a relationship with you and you do that? That is so DISRESPECTFUL. And then I would find you and cut off various important limbs. No, I'm kidding. Maybe. (7/27/04)
I hate cold rain. It chills me to the bone and then I'll just want to sit inside and wrap myself in a big blanket. I hate heat. Any temperature above 90 makes me very, very ill. It's either a thyroid problem or Sebacean Heat Sickness. Uhm, fandom thing, nevermind. But really, don't expect me to be moving much or at all and expect me to get very dizzy and need to sit down. I might get used to it eventually, but it'll be awhile so you'll have to deal with a very cranky Cyn. (7/26/04)
Oh. Yes. Don't call me Cindy. My parents call me Cindy. I cringe at the way it sounds. Don't call me Cindy unless you'd like a black eye or a big slap across the face. (7/26/04)
My memory is like swiss cheese. I don't remember things too well, especially dates and the sort. Therefore, I'm one of those people who can't remember birthdays, anniversaries, most appointments, things like that. Also, I'm likely to repeat things I've already said because I honestly don't recall saying them - if I do that, just gently remind me that I've told you. If I keep doing it, you can be a bit firmer, but don't yell at me.
You can have friends that are female and I can have friends who are male. Wandering eyes don't bother me. I know there are millions of females more attractive than I, so I don't mind if you look. I kind of expect it and I might even participate in a discussion. Although, just because I allow looking doesn't mean it's an all access pass to flirt with and mess around with other girls. If you touch any of them? I will have to disembowel you - with a spoon.
Don't buy Playboy. Really. It's so last decade. You should pick up a copy of FHM or Maxim, preferably the foreign editions. Hell, I'll pay for them since more often than not there's a fandom girl on the cover. On second thought, let me get two copies.
Another point: if you mess up, for any reason? Just tell me. I will find out eventually and I will not be amused. Honesty really is the best with me. Lying only delays the hurt. If things aren't working out, let me know. Best to end it before everyone is bitter and angry about it, yeah? Yeah. I guarantee you that if I screw up somewhere (no matter how small), I'll feel really guilty about it and will have to say something a few hours later.
On to gifts. Girls like gifts. Some girls like big, shiny gifts. I, on the other hand, like small gifts that mean something - and I'm a geek so that's pretty easy. A DVD/CD here, a comic there. It doesn't take much, really. Just bring me back something that I like, not something girls should like. I haven't much use for random pieces of jewelry. Oh, and here's a tip: if you bring me a large bunch of flowers and start acting really weird and overly affectionate for no apparent reason? It's likely that I'll get really suspicious and wonder what the hell it is you did. Me being suspicious is bad because it leads to me being a cranky, snarky bitch.
Gifts lead to the whole money thing. Erm, don't be cheap, but don't be a crazy spender. please know how to manage your money. There's nothing wrong with blowing a bit of your check on fun toys, but really, there are things like bills to pay. I'm glad to help with things, but I will not support a freeloader. Nope. I don't care how cute you are. Mismanagement of money is on my biggest peeves list.
On the domestic side, I don't mind cooking and cleaning as long as you do an equal share. I'm not a maid and I'm not you're mother. You will clean up after yourself because I will resort to very petulant behavior like sticking your dirty dishes in your closet or something. I'm very adverse to doing work that I shouldn't have to.
I've noticed that a lot of guys act different when they're alone with their girlfriends versus when they are with their girlfriends and other guy friends. If you do that I will kick you in the shins. If you are being fake with me, stop. If you're playing up the machoness for the guys? Stop that too. Pick one personality grouping, please.
I hate the phone. I feel pressured to say something right then and there... and I hate my phone voice. I prefer instant messaging and texting. I'm a computer geek, remember? If I'm not at work, I'm sitting in front of the computer chatting. It's more comfortable for me and you'll find I'm a lot more open and more likely to answer questions. I don't know why, it's weird. I'm weird. I know.
Speaking of computers and chatting online - if you use netspeak I will stab you. There is still such a thing as proper grammar and spelling on the internet. Hard to believe, I know. "u," "r," "4," "l8tr," and other similar things are not words. There is a difference between being a bad typist (*flails* horrible typist lately) and not caring that you're butchering the English language. The only exception to this is text messaging where it's used rather sparingly in the interest of saving time -- not because you actually spell that way. (7/26/04)
Getting back to the phone, don't say you're going to call if you're not going to. Actually, don't say you're going to do something if you're not or never intend to. I'd rather you say that you won't call me for a week than say, "I'll call you later" and don't. That really rubs me the wrong way.
Along the lines of saying things you don't mean, don't make plans and then change your mind. Or, if you are to change your mind, there had better be significant notice. I'd say several hours at least, but days would be better. For most of my life, I'd had family and friends say that they are going to go do something with me, but at the last minute change their minds. Or even worse, they don't tell me they've changed their mind until I call them and ask where they are. It's likely that I'll shrug it off and pretend I'm okay with it, but it hurts a lot. It makes me fester and think bad things and not trust any plans you make in the future.
If you haven't already noticed, I complain a lot. I like complaining - it's almost like a hobby. 98% of the time, I'm complaining just to complain and you should just smile and nod and pat me on the head. I like complaining about my job, even if I don't intend to quit. I complain about TV, about the weather, about the price of water - I complain about everything, get it? However, if the complaint is followed by a near command and Im sounding genuinely pissed off, then I'm really annoyed. As in, "Why is there always crap all over the place? Are you going to clean this up?" Yeah, you should probably be moving your ass to help me clean. (7/26/04)
In addition to complaining, I nag. I'll be the first girl to admit it, okay? Nag, nag, nag, nag - that's me. I don't do it because I like nagging, I do it because I asked you to do something and you didn't give me a straight answer.. or an answer I was satisfied with. Hey, I didn't say it was an exact science, I just said I do it. Sorry. Tell me that I'm nagging and I'll try to stop. (7/28/04)
I talk about New Zealand a lot. A LOT. Because I love Wellington and I want to move there as soon as I can, which may be never, but I'm still going to try. I love the people, the accents, the lovely blue water - everything. Well, maybe not the constant rain and the earthquakes, but still. I love that place and you'll hear me reference it a lot and the people I know who live there. You'll probably get tired of hearing about it. So, you should take me there. Just kidding. You should just smile and nod and humor me and try not to get too mad. (7/26/04)
I act very, very silly sometimes. You'll find that out when you get to know me better. When I feel like it, I'll wander around with a British, Scottish, or Irish accent (because I have an accent fixation). Though not particularly good, they amuse me. Most of the time I'm pretty mature and serious, but I do like to act really stupid and childish - it's fun. I won't go into detail because, well, it's pretty spontaneous and I act like I'm 12. (7/26/04)
I love all kinds of music - except rap and country. My-wife/girlfriend-left-me, dog-died, lonely, croaky, country. If you must listen to that, please do it away from me. Also, MTV is the Devil's Spawn and Carson Daly is a douche. (7/26/04)
Things that really annoy me: unattended children, screaming babies, repetitive noises. In regards to the first two, you can pretty much conclude that I am no fan of children. I don't like kids. Is that weird for a girl? *shrug* I don't like them. They're annoying and needy. I can't see myself having children and I don't see myself taking care of other people's children, especially not any time soon. Since there is always an exception, I don't mind children who are extremely well behaved and can control themselves better than most adults. Such kids to exist - I've seen them. As for the last one, you've not seen me annoyed to the point of irrational murder until you've shut me in a room with a repetitive noise. Constantly ringing phones, tapping pencils, dripping water - I will go ballistic. Make. It. Stop. (7/28/04)
Not really a fan of most terms of endearment. They generally sound corny and dumb and I'm unlikely to use them myself. "Hun" really drives me up the wall and in my mind is just sounds so sleazy and insincere. I generally don't mind if it's a female saying, especially if it's a friend and I know that's just a speech affectation, rather than an annoying way to refer to everyone. "Sweety" is acceptable, but may occasionally make me cringe and "love" is perfect when dropped in very casually. The sound of the word "lover" makes me want to throw up. (1/3/05)
Easiest way to tell if I am stressed out or agitated: I start touching my face a lot. I don't know why, but when I get stressed, my face starts itching and occasionally I break out. So if you see me touching my face and rubbing my forehead or cheek a lot, I'm really close to freaking out. (7/28/04)
If you haven't seen these movies, I will guffaw and sit you down for a marathon viewing: Trainspotting, Ravenous, Serenity, The Boondock Saints, Donnie Darko, The Evil Dead Trilogy (ED, EDII, Army of Darkness), Psycho Beach Party, Very Bad Things, The Princess Bride, The Professional, Sliding Doors, A Life Less Ordinary, Shaun of the Dead, 10 Things I Hate About You, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Office Space, Never Been Kissed, and the all important Nothing. (3/10/06)
Want a good cross-section of a personality? I am somewhere between Kat (10 Things I Hate About You) and Jaye Tyler (Wonderfalls), with a tiny bit of Josie (Never Been Kissed).
Match.com has declared me very picky. Now, I don't usually buy into those dating sites, but this is pretty damn accurate - especially the physical attaction bit. It's no secret that I like pretty guys. You can read all about that here. If I'm dating you, it's probably because I think you're really pretty, otherwise it's going to devolve into a friendship thing. (8/13/04)
This is all very rambly and there's not really a conscious order. I'm sure I will add to it at certain points in the future. For now this is as complete as I can make it.
Love,
Me.
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This is filtered, but I'll probably make it public in the near future. If anyone wants to link to it for some bizarre reason and wants me to make it public now, let me know. This post is now public, so feel free to link if you want.
Some of you said you'd like to write one of these, too. Go for it!
ETA: Out of curiosity (and because I'm an attention whore) if you're not on my flist, have read this, and been inspired to write your own, care to drop a comment here? Doesn't have to be much just a, "I wrote one" will do. I'd be curious to read it, but there's a lock feature for a reason :) Thanks!
ETA2: At the end of paragraphs I've added or edited, I'm putting the date I made teh changes in parenthesis.
ETA3: So. Many. Edits. I'm giving up on trying to incorporate them properly and just going to tack new things on at the end from now on.
So. Yeah.
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Dear Future Boyfriend,
I'm sorry. You should probably runaway now. Far, far away. You see, I clearly have issues. Well, maybe not very clearly, as you're going to be my boyfriend and you didn't see them. Anyway.
I ramble. I have foot-in-mouth disease. If I think it, 95% of the time I will say it. Because my brain and mouth don't play well together, it's usually something stupid or mistakenly inflammatory. Or I stutter because my mouth can't keep up with my brain. When I get worked up, I have a really bad stutter and half the words don't make it out of my mouth. It's sad.
Political and social thoughts I need to get out of the way: I hate Bush & Co. The war in Iraq is wrong. The Patriot Act is wrong. Fox News needs to die. I don't hate Republicans, I just hate their current ringleaders. Did I mention that the war in Iraq is wrong? Please do not use the word "fag" or "gay" as an insult. Do not use the word "fag" unless you are British and are referring to a cig. If you hate homosexuals, keep your homophobic slander to yourself because I will snarl at you. Christians scare me. Actually, let me stop using generalizations - crazy, convert-hungry, psycho-Christians scare me. The others are okay by me as long as they don't tell me I'm going to hell because I'm not baptized or whatever. No, I don't believe in one god. I might believe in many and I might believe in none. Oh yeah, Bill O'Reilly is an asshat. I eat meat. Dead animals = yummy. Like Dennis Leary said, meat tastes like murder and murder tastes good.
Right. Moving on.
I'm a neat freak... except there's constantly stuff thrown about my room. But in neat piles. Shut up. Okay, it's not so much neatness as sanitation. I'm not talking normal sanitation. oh no. I'm compulsively clean. I wash my hands every ten minutes. And I expect you to also. Because eww.. dirty hands. If there's raw meat on the counter and you touch it? For the love of GOD do not touch anything else until you wash your hands. Don't even think about laying the knife you were using to cut said meat on the counter. Put it on the cutting board or wash it immediately. Raw meat and raw veggies don't mix, even if you are going to cook the veggies anyway. Keep them separate! OMG. Stuff like that. It sounds like a normal concern, but I really get all freaked out over it.
I have emotional issues. Har har, yes, I know, I'm a girl. What I mean is, I don't know how to deal with certain emotions. Anger and some happiness I understand. More complicated things like affection, liking another person, and love? No clue. And since I have no clue, it makes me squirm and the flight response generally takes over. That goes along with how uncomfortable I get when I'm complimented. I am a self-admitted attention whore - I like when people notice things I do. Work, art, projects - things that stand apart from me. As soon as someone starts complimenting my person, especially how I look, I don't know what to say. I'm not used to that sort of attention. Also, I think I'm average looking. Some days I think I'm sub-average looking. Sometimes I'll say I want to be alone. I'll mean it when I say it. Even if I don't, I can't blame you for believing me - guys shouldn't be expected to read our minds. It would be nice, but it's not going to happen. I get that, I do. If I ever act all "you should be able to read my mind!", I'm sorry.
Have I mentioned that I have a vicious temper? I can be the sweetest person you'll ever know or I can be the world's biggest bitch. Can't really blame it on PMS, though I do get pretty damn pissy and cranky around that time. Anyway, yes, I get very, very angry. Like, throwing things and hitting things. Wouldn't know it from looking at me, especially since I try not to do those things. I don't really like being that prone to anger, but I sort of grew up that way. In that line of thought - I hold grudges like a motherfucker. (And I can swear like a sailor.) Do not piss me off because I have that girly ability to remember every horrible thing you did - or I think you did - and spew it back at you later.
I can, however, admit when I am wrong. It's easy enough for me to admit that I made a bad choice or that I had the wrong idea about something or other. Don't be afraid to call me on it, but don't embarrass or belittle me.
When I'm angry, I tend to scream. A lot. I've found that this is a pretty good way to release all that angry so I don't actually have to go and hit someone or something. Don't worry, I usually do all the angry shouting in the privacy in my room or when I'm alone in my car. It's sort of like I have temporary turrets - perfectly calm, but raging inside, so suddenly I'll just scream or shout some obscenity. Feel free to ignore me. (7/28/04)
I have attachment issues. I would love to be the kind of person who likes to have you around and looks forward to seeing you and wants to spend every second with you. But I'm not. In fact, I get bored rather quickly; annoyed just as fast. But those are all excuses because I have a fear of being committed to another human being. I don't like feeling attached to someone. Well, I do, except when I actually am. Then I feel trapped. Okay, not that I would know since I, you know, haven't been, but I imagine I would convince myself that I'm feeling trapped. I have discovered, through the wonders of psychiatry, that relationships just freak me the fuck out so I am just thinking of ways to sabotage myself. It'll take someone with way more patience than is probably humanly possible to deal with me.
Of course, at the same time, I secretly want to be wined and dined and romanced and all those sappy things. I just won't say that - ever - or ask for them because I don't really know how to and I try to pretend I don't want or need those things. Uhm.
If you want something from me or want me to do something, you'd better just tell me. I'm not a mind reader either. I spent most of my formative years hanging out with boys and playing in the muck, catching fish and newts. I never picked up a lot of those girly skills.
Oh my god, manners. Please have some. Or a lot. Table manners. Common manners. MANNERS.
Touchy-feely is not something I've always been. Hated hugs, handshakes, and all that stuff. Somehow got that way during college - I guess my roommates sort of broke through that personal space bubble and it turns out a hug and stuff sometimes isn't going to kill me. Now I do a lot of the hand on arm when talking with friends and I don't mind friendly hugs as much as I did. I still really dislike crowds - they freak me out and I get all antsy and aggro. Strangers bumping into me make my skin crawl something fierce. However, it's not so bad if I'm holding the hand of someone I'm with. Meh. So, if we are in a crowded place, you had better be holding my hand or something because I will start to flip out, especially if there are other people brushing up against me and otherwise invading my personal space.
On to things I have never done. I've never smoked, drank, done drugs. I've never been kissed. Yes, I'm over 25. No, really, never. That also means that I haven't done any of those things that come after kissing. Yeah. I know. Surely this contributes to how uncomfortable I am with the idea of dating and being in a relationship. I'm not exactly sure I've been on a date. There was possibly that one time, which was nice, but my follow up was completely horrible and it was completely my fault.
I hate my father. Don't even try to talk sense into me about that. He's an ass hat. He's never done anything to help me unless it made him look good and he treats strangers better than he treats his own family. Now, just because I hate my father doesn't mean I have some sort of huge male hate-on - I don't. Most of my friends are guys. Well, used to be. Anyway. All this crap with my father has made me very intolerant of certain behaviors in people, whether they are male or female. I cannot stand liars, people who cheat on their partners, people who are two faced. Believe me, I can tell when I see - have had lots of practice, after all. If you embarrass me, try to belittle me in public, or otherwise beat me down, you will be dropped faster than.. a thing that needs to be dropped quickly. I love my mother, though, and if anyone badmouths her, I will fuck them up. (7/26/04)
I will not cheat on someone. I will not be the "other woman," because that is fucked up beyond all belief and people who do that disgust me. I'm sorry, it's true. If my friend were to do something like that, I'm not going to disown them or anything. Most likely I'll just tell them how wrong they were and batter them into confessing. But if I'm in a relationship with you and you do that? That is so DISRESPECTFUL. And then I would find you and cut off various important limbs. No, I'm kidding. Maybe. (7/27/04)
I hate cold rain. It chills me to the bone and then I'll just want to sit inside and wrap myself in a big blanket. I hate heat. Any temperature above 90 makes me very, very ill. It's either a thyroid problem or Sebacean Heat Sickness. Uhm, fandom thing, nevermind. But really, don't expect me to be moving much or at all and expect me to get very dizzy and need to sit down. I might get used to it eventually, but it'll be awhile so you'll have to deal with a very cranky Cyn. (7/26/04)
Oh. Yes. Don't call me Cindy. My parents call me Cindy. I cringe at the way it sounds. Don't call me Cindy unless you'd like a black eye or a big slap across the face. (7/26/04)
My memory is like swiss cheese. I don't remember things too well, especially dates and the sort. Therefore, I'm one of those people who can't remember birthdays, anniversaries, most appointments, things like that. Also, I'm likely to repeat things I've already said because I honestly don't recall saying them - if I do that, just gently remind me that I've told you. If I keep doing it, you can be a bit firmer, but don't yell at me.
You can have friends that are female and I can have friends who are male. Wandering eyes don't bother me. I know there are millions of females more attractive than I, so I don't mind if you look. I kind of expect it and I might even participate in a discussion. Although, just because I allow looking doesn't mean it's an all access pass to flirt with and mess around with other girls. If you touch any of them? I will have to disembowel you - with a spoon.
Don't buy Playboy. Really. It's so last decade. You should pick up a copy of FHM or Maxim, preferably the foreign editions. Hell, I'll pay for them since more often than not there's a fandom girl on the cover. On second thought, let me get two copies.
Another point: if you mess up, for any reason? Just tell me. I will find out eventually and I will not be amused. Honesty really is the best with me. Lying only delays the hurt. If things aren't working out, let me know. Best to end it before everyone is bitter and angry about it, yeah? Yeah. I guarantee you that if I screw up somewhere (no matter how small), I'll feel really guilty about it and will have to say something a few hours later.
On to gifts. Girls like gifts. Some girls like big, shiny gifts. I, on the other hand, like small gifts that mean something - and I'm a geek so that's pretty easy. A DVD/CD here, a comic there. It doesn't take much, really. Just bring me back something that I like, not something girls should like. I haven't much use for random pieces of jewelry. Oh, and here's a tip: if you bring me a large bunch of flowers and start acting really weird and overly affectionate for no apparent reason? It's likely that I'll get really suspicious and wonder what the hell it is you did. Me being suspicious is bad because it leads to me being a cranky, snarky bitch.
Gifts lead to the whole money thing. Erm, don't be cheap, but don't be a crazy spender. please know how to manage your money. There's nothing wrong with blowing a bit of your check on fun toys, but really, there are things like bills to pay. I'm glad to help with things, but I will not support a freeloader. Nope. I don't care how cute you are. Mismanagement of money is on my biggest peeves list.
On the domestic side, I don't mind cooking and cleaning as long as you do an equal share. I'm not a maid and I'm not you're mother. You will clean up after yourself because I will resort to very petulant behavior like sticking your dirty dishes in your closet or something. I'm very adverse to doing work that I shouldn't have to.
I've noticed that a lot of guys act different when they're alone with their girlfriends versus when they are with their girlfriends and other guy friends. If you do that I will kick you in the shins. If you are being fake with me, stop. If you're playing up the machoness for the guys? Stop that too. Pick one personality grouping, please.
I hate the phone. I feel pressured to say something right then and there... and I hate my phone voice. I prefer instant messaging and texting. I'm a computer geek, remember? If I'm not at work, I'm sitting in front of the computer chatting. It's more comfortable for me and you'll find I'm a lot more open and more likely to answer questions. I don't know why, it's weird. I'm weird. I know.
Speaking of computers and chatting online - if you use netspeak I will stab you. There is still such a thing as proper grammar and spelling on the internet. Hard to believe, I know. "u," "r," "4," "l8tr," and other similar things are not words. There is a difference between being a bad typist (*flails* horrible typist lately) and not caring that you're butchering the English language. The only exception to this is text messaging where it's used rather sparingly in the interest of saving time -- not because you actually spell that way. (7/26/04)
Getting back to the phone, don't say you're going to call if you're not going to. Actually, don't say you're going to do something if you're not or never intend to. I'd rather you say that you won't call me for a week than say, "I'll call you later" and don't. That really rubs me the wrong way.
Along the lines of saying things you don't mean, don't make plans and then change your mind. Or, if you are to change your mind, there had better be significant notice. I'd say several hours at least, but days would be better. For most of my life, I'd had family and friends say that they are going to go do something with me, but at the last minute change their minds. Or even worse, they don't tell me they've changed their mind until I call them and ask where they are. It's likely that I'll shrug it off and pretend I'm okay with it, but it hurts a lot. It makes me fester and think bad things and not trust any plans you make in the future.
If you haven't already noticed, I complain a lot. I like complaining - it's almost like a hobby. 98% of the time, I'm complaining just to complain and you should just smile and nod and pat me on the head. I like complaining about my job, even if I don't intend to quit. I complain about TV, about the weather, about the price of water - I complain about everything, get it? However, if the complaint is followed by a near command and Im sounding genuinely pissed off, then I'm really annoyed. As in, "Why is there always crap all over the place? Are you going to clean this up?" Yeah, you should probably be moving your ass to help me clean. (7/26/04)
In addition to complaining, I nag. I'll be the first girl to admit it, okay? Nag, nag, nag, nag - that's me. I don't do it because I like nagging, I do it because I asked you to do something and you didn't give me a straight answer.. or an answer I was satisfied with. Hey, I didn't say it was an exact science, I just said I do it. Sorry. Tell me that I'm nagging and I'll try to stop. (7/28/04)
I talk about New Zealand a lot. A LOT. Because I love Wellington and I want to move there as soon as I can, which may be never, but I'm still going to try. I love the people, the accents, the lovely blue water - everything. Well, maybe not the constant rain and the earthquakes, but still. I love that place and you'll hear me reference it a lot and the people I know who live there. You'll probably get tired of hearing about it. So, you should take me there. Just kidding. You should just smile and nod and humor me and try not to get too mad. (7/26/04)
I act very, very silly sometimes. You'll find that out when you get to know me better. When I feel like it, I'll wander around with a British, Scottish, or Irish accent (because I have an accent fixation). Though not particularly good, they amuse me. Most of the time I'm pretty mature and serious, but I do like to act really stupid and childish - it's fun. I won't go into detail because, well, it's pretty spontaneous and I act like I'm 12. (7/26/04)
I love all kinds of music - except rap and country. My-wife/girlfriend-left-me, dog-died, lonely, croaky, country. If you must listen to that, please do it away from me. Also, MTV is the Devil's Spawn and Carson Daly is a douche. (7/26/04)
Things that really annoy me: unattended children, screaming babies, repetitive noises. In regards to the first two, you can pretty much conclude that I am no fan of children. I don't like kids. Is that weird for a girl? *shrug* I don't like them. They're annoying and needy. I can't see myself having children and I don't see myself taking care of other people's children, especially not any time soon. Since there is always an exception, I don't mind children who are extremely well behaved and can control themselves better than most adults. Such kids to exist - I've seen them. As for the last one, you've not seen me annoyed to the point of irrational murder until you've shut me in a room with a repetitive noise. Constantly ringing phones, tapping pencils, dripping water - I will go ballistic. Make. It. Stop. (7/28/04)
Not really a fan of most terms of endearment. They generally sound corny and dumb and I'm unlikely to use them myself. "Hun" really drives me up the wall and in my mind is just sounds so sleazy and insincere. I generally don't mind if it's a female saying, especially if it's a friend and I know that's just a speech affectation, rather than an annoying way to refer to everyone. "Sweety" is acceptable, but may occasionally make me cringe and "love" is perfect when dropped in very casually. The sound of the word "lover" makes me want to throw up. (1/3/05)
Easiest way to tell if I am stressed out or agitated: I start touching my face a lot. I don't know why, but when I get stressed, my face starts itching and occasionally I break out. So if you see me touching my face and rubbing my forehead or cheek a lot, I'm really close to freaking out. (7/28/04)
If you haven't seen these movies, I will guffaw and sit you down for a marathon viewing: Trainspotting, Ravenous, Serenity, The Boondock Saints, Donnie Darko, The Evil Dead Trilogy (ED, EDII, Army of Darkness), Psycho Beach Party, Very Bad Things, The Princess Bride, The Professional, Sliding Doors, A Life Less Ordinary, Shaun of the Dead, 10 Things I Hate About You, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Office Space, Never Been Kissed, and the all important Nothing. (3/10/06)
Want a good cross-section of a personality? I am somewhere between Kat (10 Things I Hate About You) and Jaye Tyler (Wonderfalls), with a tiny bit of Josie (Never Been Kissed).
Match.com has declared me very picky. Now, I don't usually buy into those dating sites, but this is pretty damn accurate - especially the physical attaction bit. It's no secret that I like pretty guys. You can read all about that here. If I'm dating you, it's probably because I think you're really pretty, otherwise it's going to devolve into a friendship thing. (8/13/04)
This is all very rambly and there's not really a conscious order. I'm sure I will add to it at certain points in the future. For now this is as complete as I can make it.
Love,
Me.
--------------
Some of you said you'd like to write one of these, too. Go for it!
ETA: Out of curiosity (and because I'm an attention whore) if you're not on my flist, have read this, and been inspired to write your own, care to drop a comment here? Doesn't have to be much just a, "I wrote one" will do. I'd be curious to read it, but there's a lock feature for a reason :) Thanks!
ETA2: At the end of paragraphs I've added or edited, I'm putting the date I made teh changes in parenthesis.
ETA3: So. Many. Edits. I'm giving up on trying to incorporate them properly and just going to tack new things on at the end from now on.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-07-25 05:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-25 05:17 pm (UTC)Makes me want to write one. :D
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Date: 2004-07-25 05:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-25 05:25 pm (UTC):D; I am a sad child but I'd love to link this. X3!
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Date: 2004-07-25 05:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 11:26 pm (UTC)I AM SO PRINTING THAT OUT AND POSTING IT ON MY DORM DOOR WHEN I'M BACK AT SCHOOL. XD
no subject
Date: 2004-07-25 05:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-25 05:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-25 08:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-25 08:32 pm (UTC)And thank you for the money ^_^ I'll be mailing them out this week.
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Date: 2004-07-25 08:49 pm (UTC)I'm all excited about the bracelets, because I think they're going to make great presents for certain people.
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Date: 2004-07-25 05:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-25 05:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-25 06:27 pm (UTC)And now look at us.
-Bree
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Date: 2004-07-25 05:51 pm (UTC)This is really good and really honest. I applaud you for speaking your mind! And I know the pain of singledom myself.
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Date: 2004-07-25 06:34 pm (UTC)you are my hero.
*prints it out and pins it to her door*
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Date: 2004-07-25 07:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-25 08:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 03:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-25 09:14 pm (UTC)Oh, and I always thought you were one of the prettiest girls I knew, just an FYI. :)
no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 03:49 pm (UTC)Heh. Glad there didn't need to be an intervention or something.
I always thought you were one of the prettiest girls I knew
Well, thank you, but I hardly believe that is true.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 06:32 am (UTC)I've written some things like this.. but not so thought out ^^;; enjoyed reading it~
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Date: 2004-07-26 03:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-27 03:29 am (UTC)AND! I had no idea you were 23~ ^^;; you look a lot younger! (a oompliment, promise!)
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Date: 2004-07-27 04:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 07:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-27 04:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 11:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-27 04:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 11:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-27 04:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-27 12:32 am (UTC)Love.
As someone has already said I don't know if I could be honest enough with myself to write one but I'm sorely tempted to. Perhaps I will and hide it but yes. I adore this. Am printing it out too because I collect weird internet stuff like that. <3
Thank you for unlocking!
no subject
Date: 2004-07-27 04:10 am (UTC)W00t! I'm collectible! =D Erm, but I'm a weird collectible because I will reedit from time to time. heh. Like I did this morning. Oops. ^_^*
no subject
Date: 2004-07-27 02:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-28 06:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-28 12:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-10 10:11 pm (UTC)and i have to say: i just recently saw "psycho beach party". and can i say: frickin' HILARIOUS. it was all over LOGO while i was home for christmas...
no subject
Date: 2006-03-10 10:37 pm (UTC)