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Jan. 24th, 2002 02:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amezriMy life is a black pit. And I'm gonna rant about it, so you might as well bail out now.
I had typed up this huge thing about two hours ago, but livejournal decided that it wasn't good enough, so it basically shit the thing out and I'm out one big depressing rant. Actually, it wasn't that bad, it was mostly me complaining about how much of a loser I am, what with the lack of a life and all. I sit in front of a computer all day and it's not like I have too many people who can or will hang out with me. Half the time I feel like I'm the one who has to make the effort.
Nah, that's a lie. I'm just antisocial. From what I can tell, there are several people in my building who would willing hang out with me, which is cool, but still... I just feel like I need something more. I need to get off my lazy ass and do some work. I should take the time and energy I'm spending learning how to speak Quenya and use it for something productive like precalc. Yeah right. Mostly I just feel like a loser because I've insert Drew Barrymore movie with Michael Vartan where she goes back to high school.
I mean, hell, even the ugly people (no offense) have SOs. What in the hell is so wrong with me that I can't even get a normal guy to like me? So far, they've all been freaks and weirdos. Trust. One didn't remember that he told me he was going to dump his girlfriend and go out with me because he was on "medication." The other was normal for about three days before I was told, "now isn't the right time for us," because the asshole is still ex-girlfriend-whipped. Freaks follow me around.
A lot of the time I'm just like, "screw it. who needs the aggravation?" Honestly? I do. I don't know if it's a self-esteem thing or what, but I have this huge need to be admired and to feel needed. I was never a spotlight hog - not like some people I knew - but I was probably pretty close. Must come from that damn unsatisfying childhood or somethin'.
So here I sit. BF-less, in front of a computer, geeking it out. I have no drive to do anything. I was watching Whose Line... earlier and thought to myself, "hmm, that Chip guy is cute," while I stare at my Orlando Bloom wallpaper and Hugh Jackman images. What kind of life is this? It really can't be healthy. But, hell, what else am I going to do? What else can I do? I'm just gonna have to learn to accept it, like everything else.
I had typed up this huge thing about two hours ago, but livejournal decided that it wasn't good enough, so it basically shit the thing out and I'm out one big depressing rant. Actually, it wasn't that bad, it was mostly me complaining about how much of a loser I am, what with the lack of a life and all. I sit in front of a computer all day and it's not like I have too many people who can or will hang out with me. Half the time I feel like I'm the one who has to make the effort.
Nah, that's a lie. I'm just antisocial. From what I can tell, there are several people in my building who would willing hang out with me, which is cool, but still... I just feel like I need something more. I need to get off my lazy ass and do some work. I should take the time and energy I'm spending learning how to speak Quenya and use it for something productive like precalc. Yeah right. Mostly I just feel like a loser because I've insert Drew Barrymore movie with Michael Vartan where she goes back to high school.
I mean, hell, even the ugly people (no offense) have SOs. What in the hell is so wrong with me that I can't even get a normal guy to like me? So far, they've all been freaks and weirdos. Trust. One didn't remember that he told me he was going to dump his girlfriend and go out with me because he was on "medication." The other was normal for about three days before I was told, "now isn't the right time for us," because the asshole is still ex-girlfriend-whipped. Freaks follow me around.
A lot of the time I'm just like, "screw it. who needs the aggravation?" Honestly? I do. I don't know if it's a self-esteem thing or what, but I have this huge need to be admired and to feel needed. I was never a spotlight hog - not like some people I knew - but I was probably pretty close. Must come from that damn unsatisfying childhood or somethin'.
So here I sit. BF-less, in front of a computer, geeking it out. I have no drive to do anything. I was watching Whose Line... earlier and thought to myself, "hmm, that Chip guy is cute," while I stare at my Orlando Bloom wallpaper and Hugh Jackman images. What kind of life is this? It really can't be healthy. But, hell, what else am I going to do? What else can I do? I'm just gonna have to learn to accept it, like everything else.
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Black Pit
Date: 2002-01-24 05:26 am (UTC)You are way too young to be accepting lonliness. Me, on the other hand...
Re: Black Pit
Date: 2002-01-24 05:48 am (UTC)I just like complaining.... keeps me from going crazy about stupid stuff like this. It's just that, well, to quote Angel: "Lonliness is about the scariest thing there is."
Yeah.