when i said that feminism could mean that women CHOOSE to be housewives - that thought, that maybe someone would WANT to be a housewife was so incredibly foreign to them, that it was just plain wrong.

I completely understand this. One girl in my class goes, "I'm not the traditional feminist because I want to be a mom, to be home when my kids get in and have to make cupcakes at the last minute and be able to do it." Which is why she's married without kids at the moment. I think a lot of people miss that crucial part of feminism: not making someone else's choices, but instead giving all the options available and letting them do it.